It was cold, maybe 15-20 degrees. There was a foot of snow on the ground. I had just come in from jogging around the
trailer park in which I found myself living. (You could still call it that back
then.)
I was finally divorced, legally delivered
from my drug-fueled, pleasure-seeking, godless marriage. I had been discharged
(honorably) from the U.S. Navy and was serving in the active reserves. I had
returned to college only to revisit the old ways from which I had sought escape.
In fact, this was my third college in less than two years.
And here, in a singlewide trailer,
with only heat and no running water, I found my first love – Jesus.
Coming in from jogging and chugging
down my three raw eggs with o.j. and a touch of powdered sugar, I sat back to
roll a joint. As I lifted the lighter to
this perfectly rolled wonder that would relieve me of all my anxieties, it hit
me like a ton of bricks. I had made a
mess of my life.
Many of my classmates envied me, I was
living independently. I was free. I was pursuing my goal of earning my first
million dollars. I had made enough money
to stop working and to pay for college, support my drinking, pot smoking, and
miscellaneous drug enhancing lifestyle.
My car was paid for. All was right with the world. But nothing was right with me.
I can’t explain it but remorse, guilt,
and terror filled my soul and burst forth in tears. “My God, what am I to do? What do you want of me? I’ve tried and tried but
I keep coming back to this same situation.”
Something in me snapped. I flushed the pot down the toilet. I dumped all
the beer and vodka down the kitchen sink. And I threw myself on my bed. And there it was. The Bible that had been
given to me from my pastor on His last Children’s Sunday with us at the Grosse
Pointe Woods Presbyterian Church. I hadn’t
seen it in years. Not when I moved to Mississippi,
or when I moved to San Diego or Washington, or back to San Diego; not when I
returned to college a year before, nor when I moved back home for a few months,
nor did I remember packing it when I moved to Weidman, MI. But there it was.
And as I picked it up it fell open, yes, it fell open to Zechariah – and the
words leapt off the page:

Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan sanding at his right side to accuse him. The Lord said to Satan, "The Lord rebuke you, Satan" The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?" Now, Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes.: Then he said to Joshua, "See I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you." They I said, "Put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the Lord stood by. The angel of the Lord gave this charge to Joshua: "This is what the Lord Almighty says: "If you will walk in obedience to me and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among those standing here. [Zech 3:1-7]
In that moment I was born again. I was washed clean. My sins were forever forgiven. And I was called to ministry.
Now there is more to the story. There
were, and continue to this day to be, challenges, temptations, and even
accusations. (n.b. the Word Satan comes to us from the Hebrew Ha-Satan meaning the
accuser.)
But I stand firm in my resolve to walk
in obedience the to Lord and to keep His requirements.
Based on His grace, His faithfulness,
and His Word, I have never doubted His love, His protection, His faithfulness
to me. I often question my ability to
comprehend the mysteries of faith or just why he seems to trust me with such matters,
but that is a struggle common to those who call themselves by His name “Christ-ian”.
Today, is my birthday. 40 years ago today, in a snowbound trailer in
rural Weidman, Michigan, a life tattered and in ruins was saved, snatched from the
fire. A soul was added to the ranks of glory.
With David, I still ask, “what is man
that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?”
But so too, with every ounce of my
being do I dare to declare, with the rest of that Psalm:
O
Lord our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your
glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have
ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger…O
Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! [Psalm 8]