We're in Thailand. And I'm, in part, trying to discern a call that may never come. We've visited and encouraged missionaries and feel good about that, but there is an unsettled part of my soul.
Throughout my life, after my conversion, I have clearly discerned the call of God, to go here, to do this, to leave that, to speak a word...but since retiring and renouncing the jurisdiction of the now apostate Presbyterian Church (USA), I'm feeling a bit lost, joyfully so in many ways. I have surrendered my ordination. I have cast off the outmoded and inherently prone to pride and power, structure of denominationalism. And I have moved to the mountain wherein I await God's direction.
In that I have wrestled with finding a call. I have preached here and there. I lead a Bible Study now and again. I am part of a worshipping community, but am seeking something more.
Sometimes I am jealous of those pastors who are content to see retirement as their "reward for faithful service" a time when they can choose their calling, and generally choose golf, good wine, time with grandchildren, and time by the pool...who may present the seashells they have collected in retirement to the Lord on His return as their share of the talents he has given.
But I feel the heaviness of guilt, when He has given us such resources - experience, knowledge, wisdom, education, a secure source of funding AND TIME. How is it not that we should pursue even more passionately the call of God? And are we truly convinced that growing old with a cute family and a comfortable house, a nice car, good friends and a worshipping community is enough.
To the left is looking down on a pathway. Yes the metal grid is for vines to grow over to shield those waking on the pathway under them from the sun. Chiang Rai, Thailand has seen the worst flooding in 30 years. Nan, Thailand the worst in 100 years. Next door in Burma, women and children are raped by the military with impunity. Here in Thailand boys and girls are sold into the sex slave trade, daily, by the hundreds, perhaps even thousands. And one of the top recipients of those sex slaves, is the USA.
And we sit around our tables giving God thanks that we are safe. Oh we worry about the economy. We argue about who the next president will be and how awful it would be if so and so won. And lives are destroyed while we enjoy that glass of wine feeling no guilt and no responsibility. "We're retired." "We're too old." "We've done our part." "They made the mess, let them clean it up." "I'm doing my part. I give my tithe...."
It would be easiest to give in to the complacency. My children and grandchildren are important. I love them. But Jesus has said that no one who loves their family more than Him is of much use to Him...
He restored Peter by asking "do you love me more than these?" (John 21:15-25)
"Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; any one who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Matthew 10:37
So how do we, who have discerned God's call to go here, to leave here and go there, to leave there and go there, throughout our lives of ministry, settle so easily and unapologetically, into retirement.
Asking for a friend...
My brother, my friend, my cousin, my other Glen with one N, what a struggle. I wish I had some wonderful words of advise to offer. The lord knows your struggles. I'm sure you have been much prayer over this. Retirement doesn't mean you stop. I have a really good freind who was my Pastor for years and is now retired. He is never retired he still visits and cares of those he has for so many years. He just doesn't do it from his church office. I have never been an international missionary. I love and respect those that have been in such a role. Retirement doesn't mean you stop but maybe slow up pursue other mission adventures. Maybe consider helping with Samaritans Purse relief efforts, just a thought. All that being said where is your loving wife in all this struggle of yours? Remember God has brought you together to be one, sometimes we as men worry alot about our dreams of Retirement or not Retirement and fall short in asking what our wives want or need moving forward. Just some late night, I can't sleep thoughts.
ReplyDeletelove you brother, I will start praying for this tonight and keep praying as I remember you in my prayer life.
Thank you, the only one "n" Glen. Tis true the Lord knows. It is frustrating to have a longing that may be in the wrong direction, not sinful or any such thing, just a wrongly directed desire and interest to serve. I grow weary of hearing, do what the Lord has laid on your heart as an excuse for self interested expression. I want to have that conviction that this is not just what I want but what the Lord wants for me. It shall come in time, there are just so many open doors...
DeleteApparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteWow Glen, lots of processing there that I can identify with, in the same season of life with you. Have also processed continuing to run on path of Caleb of continuing to run with where Spirit leads. Glad to be a sounding board.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jim, I know you understand. It is both a frustration and a blessing to be in this season and I pray, that the Lord will in His good time convict us...Don't want to waste retirement on worthless endeavors! And there is always the issue of making sure our calling is in line with our spouse's leading.
DeleteApparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteWhen you get home I’d be happy to get together to share my experiences with you regarding my “retirement”. I’m still of the opinion that God’s the very best Human Resources manager. Every stage of life He has a plan to use our unique experiences and training. Our roles change as some abilities diminish, but as long as we have breath He has a way to use us. Accepting the limitations of 74 is being balanced by the gift of a freer schedule, spontaneous opportunities, and the blessings of serving others with the gift of time. Still feeling my way through, but grateful for each new day/opportunity!
ReplyDeleteYes, that might be a great idea but your anonymity shall keep me from knowing who you are and how to have that conversation ;)
DeleteThanks, Bob. I'll do that! Apparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteAmen, brother! How can we know the supreme value of Christ, what he has done for us, and the odd privilege of being called to join in his work, and then sit on these hands that gave been given so much?
ReplyDeleteAmen, Mr. Anonymous ;)
DeleteApparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteI think you have found your calling and are doing it. You are courageous, my friends!
ReplyDeleteI think you have found your calling and are fulfilling it. You are courageous, my friends!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda. You have long been a blessing to us. I miss you and we continue to pray for you, sister.
DeleteApparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteI understand what you are wrestling with. At 84, I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do. With the health issues He has brought me through, I know He isn’t done with me yet. Like you, I could never be a Presbyterian again. I want to see walls of churches broken down and see the ecclesia work together. Everyone has a unique piece of the puzzle.
ReplyDeleteI admire what you are doing. I pray the Lord opens the door for you to continue to be a faithful servant. Just because we have aged, doesn’t mean we are to vegetate. We have learned things that are to be shared. I pray he reveals to you the next chapter He has planned for you in His “Book of Life.”
Thank you, Mr. Anonymous ;) Would be interested in having coffee with you sometime, if you would consider that...
DeleteI'd really appreciate your sending me an email. Your comments have sparked some thoughts I'd like to discuss with you...Apparently I forgot to log in and several replies were marked as "anonymous". The previous comment was mine!
DeleteThe Lord has blessed you with many talents and gifts that you have used to good effect for many years, for his glory and not yours (because I know you). Just because you've turned a page doesn't mean that you don't have those blessings anymore. He has equipped you to do his work and will, so do it. Just remember, you can do it wherever you are, whether it be in the mountains that you call home now or in Thailand. At your advanced age (ha-ha) you may need to share your knowledge and experience to help others that may want to follow the path that you helped to forge. It's about using what God has given you to help bring more lost ones to Jesus and salvation. You helped me, and that was quite a feat. I've turned the page myself, but I try to use what God has blessed me with to try to further his kingdom in my own small way. We love both of y'all. DGN
ReplyDeleteDonald, what can say, brother. I truly miss our time together. It is one of the great losses I have experienced in the move. You helped me. You fought beside me. You encouraged me. And our friendship brought be joy. A joy I miss terribly. I hope we see you in our Nov journey to Sanford at Turkey time.
DeleteI look forward to seeing you and C. Please make sure we get together while you are here. DGN
DeletePeople seemed unfamiliar with how to respond in this format. The anonymous designation was the default. When we text or email, we have come to expect our addresses or names to accompany the response. One of the responses above was from Bob so feel free to contact him when you are back in PA.
ReplyDeleteI have limited ability to respond as I have never been a pastor. However, I am retired. So I have lots of time to pray which brings me great joy. I pray that God will help you find your calling for this stage of life. I pray that He will help you sort through the disappointment and frustration that life brings and find the joy of celebrating what God is doing in your life and in the lives of others.
Yes, even I forgot to sign in in some of my previous comments. I have updated my reply to Bob and will give him a call when we get back. That's an easy, natural, and helpful one. God always provides, because He is ALWAYS faithful.
DeleteGlen,
ReplyDeleteI have great confidence in your judgment because of your love for Him.
Our Father knows your heart. He perceives your thoughts from afar. He knows your going out and coming in. He leads you by His Spirit. What a gift it is to be free with provision. Don't be hasty and miss the way. Be led by His Spirit. You don't have to lock yourself into anything. You are free and in a perfect place to be led by the Holy Spirit at any given moment. You can recharge your spiritual battery or get involved with some endeavor for a season.
For those of us who have been blessed to know you and your heart for God, I can say, without reservation, that time with you has brought me closer to Him. I know that others will say the same. Whether it's one of our Home Page audience members or someone with a personal encounter with you - people don't leave the presence of Glen Hallead the same. You comfort, impart Godly wisdom, encourage, provoke, challenge, and stand your ground in our call to holiness. You are not impressed by the ways of the world or the systems of organized religion. You are much more interested in helping us with our relationship - with God and each other. You are just you. Your age and life experience in Christ have made you the real deal. You no longer care about what people may think. You proclaim His powerful truth in love, disregarding the fallout. And because of your heart for God and your love for Him, those of us who are blessed with time with you do not stay the same.
So, from my vantage point, you will never retire from God's call. Just be you and let Him continue to use you to change hearts and minds. You can do that by getting involved in something for a season - or not. You can rest, relax, and watch for the open door that you are spiritually (standing by), or you can launch into a project or a person for a season and let the Holy Spirit work through you once again.
Paul talked about the mystery that had been kept hidden for ages. Paul was not struggling in his flesh to get something done for God. Paul had finally embraced the deep secrets of this mystery. He had come to the understanding that it was not Him building the church it was Christ in him the hope of glory. It's the Holy Spirit in you that's making a difference in people's lives. So, it does not matter what you decide to do - sit on a beach and talk to people as the Spirit leads, get involved in the local little theater group, present messages on The Home Page Network, or fill in for a pastor for a season at a church in Scagsville, Maryland - you are free - and that is a gift from God.
Glen, you could sign on for four years as the White House Chaplain!
Colossians 1
24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me.
I'd really enjoy meeting more regularly, John. Lunch of at least coffee when I get back? And we can discuss some Homepage work too?
DeleteI wish so much that there were more MEN like you. Men of God, not comfortable settling for complacency. The world is in DESPERATE need for all of us to WAKE UP from our slumbering and put our hands to the plow (& keep them there)! As long as you and your wife are willing and physically able, don't ever accept anything less than a sacrificial servant life for God. Aren't there times in life when we have to make the first move, in faith... Faith that clarity will follow? I may be wrong about that... Maybe we are always to stand still until we receive our marching orders from our Lord? Maybe God is using a different "voice" than what you've experienced throughout your life and ministry? My husband and I will keep you and your wife in fervent prayer, and will ask God to make visible the path He wants your feet to go. In Christian love, Georgia Landon
ReplyDeleteGeorgia you are such an encouragement. Your words bespeak wisdom, grace and joy. You are a precious child of God and I give him thanks that our paths have crossed...and may yet again.
DeleteEear Glen, I thank God every day that you came by our way (Olivia Pres Church. I feel God sent you as our Moderator, etc. to show us the new way. Just in case your have not heard, we are no Olivia Evangelical Pres Church. God has provided us a young lady who is like you, a wonderful Bible Person. she is so knowledgeable about the scriptures, a great Bible teacher, our membership has increased, and we are doing many other great things in our church. I to agree with the comment of 3 papagraphs above and Georgia Landon's, you are a wonderful child of the King and just keep on praying for His guidance and He will take you and Carol where He wants you to do His will. I am so thankful that you two are a part of my life. GOD BLESS!!
DeleteDear Margaret (I think) we thank God always for the joy we have shared over the many years of our association with the Olivia congregation, a congregation we love and cherish, and one we hope to visit before long. We have followed the journey into the EPC and celebrate with you. Your personal encouragement means the world to us, dear friend.
ReplyDeleteDear Glen, thanks very much for your friendship. We cherish you and your dear wife for the warmth and joy with which you served in Ghana. You took interest in the Northern Outreach Programme of the Presbyterian Church of Ghana. Your brothers and sisters continue to thank you for your support. Your generosity and genuine interest in people is great and that is a precious gift that our world needs today. Beatrice and I will continue to remember you in our prayers. Remember the Lord is with you. Take one day at a time. We love you and continue to cherish our friendship with you. Solomon and Beatrice Sule-Saa
ReplyDeleteMy dear friend and brother in Christ, how greatly I miss you and Beatrice, and our limited time together. We continue to keep you and the NOP in our prayers and pray that we may one day meet again...if not now, I now it will be in heaven...where there WILL be ice cream!
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